It feels like a forbidden apple. You get a glimpse of how things could look like but you never get it. When you think you have it turns out to be poisoned and it ends again. The dream vanishes. I know how bad it is but as all things forbidden I desire another bite. It becomes an obsession taking over all rational thoughts. No ability to think is left only emotion rules. And you know it’s poison but you can’t control yourself you need to have it. You need to have all that is bad.
You feel the poison entering your body and like a drug you are in ecstasy. You want more and more. An addiction filling up your veins, rushing trough them prickling all your senses and it feels so good and you know it’s bad, you know it, but you don’t want to know, you pretend not to know. The hangover is worse at every bite, every time it gets worse. The poison becomes part of your body. You need it, you crave it, you go looking for it. You imagine, you dream how things could be but they never will be like that. The morning after you are left with emptiness…left with the hangover. From the top of the mountain you fall down hard on the cliffs. As an angel cutting off its wings. Smashing on the hard concrete, feeling the pain, the excruciating pain. Craving for more you look for more, instead of picking the green fresh apple, you go again for the red poisoned apple, again, Snow White’s apple… to feel the rush over and over again.